Your New Gender and You (Pt. 1) - 04/06/06 01:07 PM
Unless you've been really, REALLY androgynous for most of your life, AND are happy with remaining as such after changing your label, correcting your gender or presentation is a surprisingly involved task. Let's step through a typical day in the life of Your Humble Narrator, circa August 2005.
10:00 AM. I wake up alone in bed in my Columbus, OH apartment. My roommate is at work. In my dream, I was still pretending to be male. I sit up and am reminded in several ways that I am already definitely on the bigger side of an A cup and am developing curves. Oh yeah, I'm a girl! Rock. I flip on the computer, take my hormones, check jobs, and head to my shower bath.
In the shower, as usual, I take great pains to shave my face very closely and carefully, as I can't afford electrolysis.
After drying off (and a bit of nude mirror gazing), I take 10 minutes or so to do my makeup. Concealer, foundation, mascara, lipstick. Natural colors. Shadow remains on my upper lip, even beneath my concealer. Shit.
12:00 AM. I head out the door to do a little job hunting and grocery shopping.
I wasn't passing very well yet. Even going grocery shopping seemed intimidating. Anyone who paid me any mind seemed nervous. People stared and took second glances. I just kept smiling gently and acting like a lady. (Though, I did flirt with the odd nervous male clerk. Cruel? Perhaps. But everyone needs comic relief.)
At first, this new attention seems amusing. Empowering, even. But it quickly began to wear on my psyche, and gave me a "unbelonging freak" complex. I never blended well. Familiar feelings, different reasons. At the checkout counter, everything always went wrong. But practice makes perfect. I was new at this.
Your New Gender and You (Pt. 1) - 04/06/06 01:07 PM
Unless you've been really, REALLY androgynous for most of your life, AND are happy with remaining as such after changing your label, correcting your gender or presentation is a surprisingly involved task. Let's step through a typical day in the life of Your Humble Narrator, circa August 2005.
10:00 AM. I wake up alone in bed in my Columbus, OH apartment. My roommate is at work. In my dream, I was still pretending to be male. I sit up and am reminded in several ways that I am already definitely on the bigger side of an A cup and am developing curves. Oh yeah, I'm a girl! Rock. I flip on the computer, take my hormones, check jobs, and head to my shower bath.
In the shower, as usual, I take great pains to shave my face very closely and carefully, as I can't afford electrolysis.
After drying off (and a bit of nude mirror gazing), I take 10 minutes or so to do my makeup. Concealer, foundation, mascara, lipstick. Natural colors. Shadow remains on my upper lip, even beneath my concealer. Shit.
12:00 AM. I head out the door to do a little job hunting and grocery shopping.
I wasn't passing very well yet. Even going grocery shopping seemed intimidating. Anyone who paid me any mind seemed nervous. People stared and took second glances. I just kept smiling gently and acting like a lady. (Though, I did flirt with the odd nervous male clerk. Cruel? Perhaps. But everyone needs comic relief.)
At first, this new attention seems amusing. Empowering, even. But it quickly began to wear on my psyche, and gave me a "unbelonging freak" complex. I never blended well. Familiar feelings, different reasons. At the checkout counter, everything always went wrong. But practice makes perfect. I was new at this.
To be continued...
Posted in hindsight, transition by Milla | Comments (1)
Hey Milla, nice layout. Best of luck with blog, life, and everything.
Posted by at April 9, 2006 12:26 AM