I've noticed that, in a lot of trans-related weblogs with any kind of personal content at all, a common (and fun) post is the costume show. Now that I'm finally comfortable with the idea, thought I'd share some past photos of who I pretended to be.
Everybody knew something was "wrong" with me, but nobody was quite sure what it was. Probably '79 or '80.
My parents saw a lot of this when I wasn't outside playing "Star Wars" or something similar with my boy friends. Either way, I preferred to play girls when possible. (These were in short supply in the sorts of entertainment I was expected to consume.)
Worst Christmas Evar. Late Eighties. Shortly after my first puberty. My mom bought me an Epson printer for my Amiga computer, thinking that was what I'd likely wanted. I hadn't even opened it when she asked me if she could at least "get a smile." She had expected me to open it and play with it immediately as per usual when I got tech gifts. I felt bad, but in retrospect, it wasn't anybody's fault.
My Hunter S. Thompson (as Raoul Duke) halloween costume. Nobody got it except a customer at Blockbuster Video, where I wore my costume that night.
This is the first photo of me presenting as female in any way. My ex-alter-ego, Lenore von Dunkelnacht, brought to life on the happiest Halloween night I ever had, circa the late Nineties. Those are platform patent leather boots from International Male, and my favorite pre-transition footwear of all time. My brother Mitch evidently secretly hated them. I wore them to my cubicle IT job with black jeans tucked in them and Siouxsie and Misfits t-shirts.
Just after graduation, June 1992. I'm not nearly as happy as I look, but you'll have that after several attempts at a "good" photo. I wanted a white robe like the other girls.
Sitting with my (now) late grandmother on her porch swing. I was so happy and comfortable with myself. Can't you tell? Despite the gap, I did love her a lot.
Among my first transition photos. Early 2005. I won't post any of them from before this, though. I was working at the musicians' store presenting as male at this time (changing when I got home), and my shirts were already beginning to get a bit bulkier and softer in the ribcage area. While it made me a little nervous at work, it was the best feeling I've ever had, knowing that I was well on my way to being myself.
Welcome back! I'd stopped wandering through for a while because you'd not written. Glad you're back, but not that you had to go through some of that stuff. On an interesting note, the box for LX810 brought back some memories...
Missed you and was just getting ready to send out search parties! Since you've been gone I went and moved to Cincinnati of all places... I also followed Donna Rose's lead and stuck a before and after shot on my blog;
I don't have many pictures of the younger me, then again I went out of my way to NOT get stuck in front of the camera... I'll have to see what I can dig up...
Thanks, great to hear from you again, Sam! Good to be back, too. I'll be around more now that I'm doing better.
My mom was a total shutterbug when it came to us kids. I'm still in the process of collecting and scanning all those print photos. Until I find more, I've already gotten around 800 done.
Hi just found your blog today. I saw that red Atari joystick and said, "Cool she had one of those too." I loved mine and still have it though I don't have a system for it. There was often a bit of debate over who was going to get to use it when I played with my not much younger then me nephew.
Reading your comment about graduation robes made me remember that the girls at my graduation wore the same color as the boys but they had lacy collars. Google 'Judge Judy' to see what I mean. The boys were supposed to wear a shirt and tie under their robe. I picked a polo that I thought would be high collared enough to pass. It's collar wasn't as tight as I thought and it ended up resting against the collar of my robe in the same way as the girl's lacy collars. At the time I realized that it resembled the girl's robes and I knew it felt right but I didn't really understand why until now.
Wow, didn't intend to right that much. So in conclusion, hi and I'll be around.
Venus as a Boy - 05/15/08 03:38 PM
I've noticed that, in a lot of trans-related weblogs with any kind of personal content at all, a common (and fun) post is the costume show. Now that I'm finally comfortable with the idea, thought I'd share some past photos of who I pretended to be.
Everybody knew something was "wrong" with me, but nobody was quite sure what it was. Probably '79 or '80.
My parents saw a lot of this when I wasn't outside playing "Star Wars" or something similar with my boy friends. Either way, I preferred to play girls when possible. (These were in short supply in the sorts of entertainment I was expected to consume.)
Worst Christmas Evar. Late Eighties. Shortly after my first puberty. My mom bought me an Epson printer for my Amiga computer, thinking that was what I'd likely wanted. I hadn't even opened it when she asked me if she could at least "get a smile." She had expected me to open it and play with it immediately as per usual when I got tech gifts. I felt bad, but in retrospect, it wasn't anybody's fault.
My Hunter S. Thompson (as Raoul Duke) halloween costume. Nobody got it except a customer at Blockbuster Video, where I wore my costume that night.
This is the first photo of me presenting as female in any way. My ex-alter-ego, Lenore von Dunkelnacht, brought to life on the happiest Halloween night I ever had, circa the late Nineties. Those are platform patent leather boots from International Male, and my favorite pre-transition footwear of all time. My brother Mitch evidently secretly hated them. I wore them to my cubicle IT job with black jeans tucked in them and Siouxsie and Misfits t-shirts.
Just after graduation, June 1992. I'm not nearly as happy as I look, but you'll have that after several attempts at a "good" photo. I wanted a white robe like the other girls.
Sitting with my (now) late grandmother on her porch swing. I was so happy and comfortable with myself. Can't you tell? Despite the gap, I did love her a lot.
Among my first transition photos. Early 2005. I won't post any of them from before this, though. I was working at the musicians' store presenting as male at this time (changing when I got home), and my shirts were already beginning to get a bit bulkier and softer in the ribcage area. While it made me a little nervous at work, it was the best feeling I've ever had, knowing that I was well on my way to being myself.
Posted in hindsight, playing_boy by Milla | Comments (7)
Did you notice that you look just like your Grandma?
Posted by Connie at June 15, 2008 11:20 PM
Y'know, I did when I put this together. =) I have a lot of her facial features.
Posted by Milla at June 16, 2008 12:53 AM
Hunter S. Thompson!
Posted by belledame222 at June 28, 2008 03:44 PM
Hey there Mila!
Welcome back! I'd stopped wandering through for a while because you'd not written. Glad you're back, but not that you had to go through some of that stuff. On an interesting note, the box for LX810 brought back some memories...
Missed you and was just getting ready to send out search parties! Since you've been gone I went and moved to Cincinnati of all places... I also followed Donna Rose's lead and stuck a before and after shot on my blog;
http://samstrip.blogspot.com/2008/05/as-promised.html
I don't have many pictures of the younger me, then again I went out of my way to NOT get stuck in front of the camera... I'll have to see what I can dig up...
Hey, welcome back!
Posted by Samantha at June 29, 2008 01:48 AM
Thanks, great to hear from you again, Sam! Good to be back, too. I'll be around more now that I'm doing better.
My mom was a total shutterbug when it came to us kids. I'm still in the process of collecting and scanning all those print photos. Until I find more, I've already gotten around 800 done.
LX-810. Best 9-pin evar.
Posted by Milla at June 30, 2008 01:37 AM
Hi just found your blog today. I saw that red Atari joystick and said, "Cool she had one of those too." I loved mine and still have it though I don't have a system for it. There was often a bit of debate over who was going to get to use it when I played with my not much younger then me nephew.
Reading your comment about graduation robes made me remember that the girls at my graduation wore the same color as the boys but they had lacy collars. Google 'Judge Judy' to see what I mean. The boys were supposed to wear a shirt and tie under their robe. I picked a polo that I thought would be high collared enough to pass. It's collar wasn't as tight as I thought and it ended up resting against the collar of my robe in the same way as the girl's lacy collars. At the time I realized that it resembled the girl's robes and I knew it felt right but I didn't really understand why until now.
Wow, didn't intend to right that much. So in conclusion, hi and I'll be around.
Posted by Gillian at July 20, 2008 09:41 PM
Hi Gillian! Interesting, I know just the feeling you're talking about. =)
Posted by Milla at July 21, 2008 03:54 PM