Some weeks ago, I was on the sales floor, going about usual business at my thrift store job. While sorting the rolling rack I had just priced, I heard a woman saying something to her son, presumably.
"That's for girls," she said, annoyed and bemused. I didn't dare sneak a glance at them, but I could only imagine. I sighed and carried an armful of boys' clothes towards the boys' section to put away.
Later, giggling. As a preteen girl laughed, I heard the door of a nearby changing room. Then, the same woman's voice: "I swear, if you try on one more thing for girls, I'm going to be worried about you."
Yuk it up, sweetie. It's real funny.
I wanted very, very badly to have a talk with this woman, but I couldn't risk my job. Not now.
I bit my lip, walked back towards the other rolling rack, and tried not to cry as I began separating it into boys' and girls'.
Posted by surrealmonk at September 5, 2007 10:19 PM
Good observation ! I too would have liked to 'enlighten' that Mom ! :-)
Thanks for sharing ! ((HUGS)) Teresa from Harmony Group :-)
Posted by Teresa T at September 7, 2007 10:10 PM
What could you have said to this mom? She was jokingly worried because of just clothes. In her mind, any thing more outrageous would have just upset her more.
Posted by Anonymous at September 10, 2007 10:18 PM
Well, if she really was "jokingly worried", she was making light of a very, very serious medical condition.
I don't think she was joking, though; I think she just lacked an understanding of gender issues and intersex disorders. I would've talked to her about both, possibly saving the child a lifetime of serious grief.
I used to jump at the types of situations you just discribed with a bunch of pent up anger.
Recently...while looking over a SFGate article on the majority of Gay rights groups demanding that Trans legislation be pulled from a bill (and getting incredibly annoyed with them). I started doing some thinking. It's not that people fear transsexuals specifically. That's never really been the case. People naturally fear what they don't understand. How can I...or you...or any trans expect the world to just blankly understand us. Face it, there's nothing we can say or do that will make someone who isn't going through what we are understand in a sympathetic way what it is like...as we can grab for is a touch of empathy. In a perfect world I could have come home to my parents and said "I'm a transsexual" and not have spent the next 3 months bickering with them over it being a "phase" or not. What this really comes down to is a challenge to people's very moral fiber. To the average John or Jane...how they identify themselves isn't a thought that ever crosses their mind. So when one of us stands up and goes "So here's the thing..." we can't automatically expect the world to get it. I mean it's just like calculus...some people just aren't going to get it.
Of course I'm totally with you on the education front. I would much rather inform someone about what I'm going through, how I got here, and the struggles I face. At the same time I always keep in my mind that I'm not just representing myself. On a whole I'm representing the entire community of my peers. Like it or not...we're rare (though becoming more and more common), and the first impression one of us leaves is going to mark how that person initially thinks of the rest. For example...the porn industry and the affect it has on the community and public perception.
That all being said...I would have to say that not saying something was the best course. The mother already seemed annoyed. A confrontation with something she wasn't ready for, probably would have just aggravated her more...making her completely tune you out and miss anything productive about your knowledge.
Remember there's a ton of reasons that little boy could have liked girl's clothing. From my clothing designer stand point...women's clothing is fun, the fabrics are better, it's more involved, there's flow and movement to the fabric...blah blah blah. Making men's clothing is like designing drapes for robots. Crazy giant rectangles that they are.
P.S sorry this is so long...I tend to ramble.
Posted by Nicole at October 9, 2007 03:50 AM
Hi there. Friend of Patita here. Yeah, that is sad on so many levels. I encountered the converse today at my daughter's preschool Halloween parade, where she (a ghost) was one of only three girls IN THE ENTIRE SCHOOL *not* dressed as a fairy, princess, fairy princess, or cheerleader. I hate that the best occasion of the year for imagination and creativity is now about Target ramming gender stereotyped roles down our children's throats. Sorry if this is an off-topic rant, but if I had a boy, I'd let him try on whatever he wanted off the rack at the thrift store, Halloween or no.
The Young One - 08/07/07 07:27 PM
Some weeks ago, I was on the sales floor, going about usual business at my thrift store job. While sorting the rolling rack I had just priced, I heard a woman saying something to her son, presumably.
"That's for girls," she said, annoyed and bemused. I didn't dare sneak a glance at them, but I could only imagine. I sighed and carried an armful of boys' clothes towards the boys' section to put away.
Later, giggling. As a preteen girl laughed, I heard the door of a nearby changing room. Then, the same woman's voice: "I swear, if you try on one more thing for girls, I'm going to be worried about you."
Yuk it up, sweetie. It's real funny.
I wanted very, very badly to have a talk with this woman, but I couldn't risk my job. Not now.
I bit my lip, walked back towards the other rolling rack, and tried not to cry as I began separating it into boys' and girls'.
Posted in misc by Milla | Comments (6)
Wow... What a meaningful slice of life there....
Posted by surrealmonk at September 5, 2007 10:19 PM
Good observation ! I too would have liked to 'enlighten' that Mom ! :-)
Thanks for sharing ! ((HUGS)) Teresa from Harmony Group :-)
Posted by Teresa T at September 7, 2007 10:10 PM
What could you have said to this mom? She was jokingly worried because of just clothes. In her mind, any thing more outrageous would have just upset her more.
Posted by Anonymous at September 10, 2007 10:18 PM
Well, if she really was "jokingly worried", she was making light of a very, very serious medical condition.
I don't think she was joking, though; I think she just lacked an understanding of gender issues and intersex disorders. I would've talked to her about both, possibly saving the child a lifetime of serious grief.
Posted by Milla at September 11, 2007 09:59 PM
I stumbled across this searching for something.
I used to jump at the types of situations you just discribed with a bunch of pent up anger.
Recently...while looking over a SFGate article on the majority of Gay rights groups demanding that Trans legislation be pulled from a bill (and getting incredibly annoyed with them). I started doing some thinking. It's not that people fear transsexuals specifically. That's never really been the case. People naturally fear what they don't understand. How can I...or you...or any trans expect the world to just blankly understand us. Face it, there's nothing we can say or do that will make someone who isn't going through what we are understand in a sympathetic way what it is like...as we can grab for is a touch of empathy. In a perfect world I could have come home to my parents and said "I'm a transsexual" and not have spent the next 3 months bickering with them over it being a "phase" or not. What this really comes down to is a challenge to people's very moral fiber. To the average John or Jane...how they identify themselves isn't a thought that ever crosses their mind. So when one of us stands up and goes "So here's the thing..." we can't automatically expect the world to get it. I mean it's just like calculus...some people just aren't going to get it.
Of course I'm totally with you on the education front. I would much rather inform someone about what I'm going through, how I got here, and the struggles I face. At the same time I always keep in my mind that I'm not just representing myself. On a whole I'm representing the entire community of my peers. Like it or not...we're rare (though becoming more and more common), and the first impression one of us leaves is going to mark how that person initially thinks of the rest. For example...the porn industry and the affect it has on the community and public perception.
That all being said...I would have to say that not saying something was the best course. The mother already seemed annoyed. A confrontation with something she wasn't ready for, probably would have just aggravated her more...making her completely tune you out and miss anything productive about your knowledge.
Remember there's a ton of reasons that little boy could have liked girl's clothing. From my clothing designer stand point...women's clothing is fun, the fabrics are better, it's more involved, there's flow and movement to the fabric...blah blah blah. Making men's clothing is like designing drapes for robots. Crazy giant rectangles that they are.
P.S sorry this is so long...I tend to ramble.
Posted by Nicole at October 9, 2007 03:50 AM
Hi there. Friend of Patita here. Yeah, that is sad on so many levels. I encountered the converse today at my daughter's preschool Halloween parade, where she (a ghost) was one of only three girls IN THE ENTIRE SCHOOL *not* dressed as a fairy, princess, fairy princess, or cheerleader. I hate that the best occasion of the year for imagination and creativity is now about Target ramming gender stereotyped roles down our children's throats. Sorry if this is an off-topic rant, but if I had a boy, I'd let him try on whatever he wanted off the rack at the thrift store, Halloween or no.
Posted by flygrrl at October 31, 2007 01:45 PM