Dudette's Syndrome is perhaps one of the strangest side-effects of transitioning from male to female in the middle of one's life, which affects non-romantic relationships with males. Even if the relationship isn't much affected directly-- and it often isn't-- the new context changes everything.
You don't have complete "girl" status, but you're not "one of the guys" now either. As per the usual, you're sort of stuck in between with a mixed, incomplete set of gender privileges. Sometimes, especially early on, it's not uncommon to be called "dude" with a hastily (but tardily) added "-ette". At least in my generation.
It's understandable, though. Often, to friends, coworkers, and family, your transition literally feels as though the "old you" is slowly replaced by this new person they hardly know. Going through the entire grief process for the person they thought they knew is, unfortunately, the norm.
On the other hand, it's not always easy for the transwoman to relate to male friends and family as female. I find myself relating to them, again, as sort of a "dudette," not that that's what I really am, but rather because that's how we've related to each other for years and years.
It's not a huge concern, but it really can make things awkward and stilted sometimes.
I bet my FtM brothers experience the same thing in reverse, and that has to be even more difficult. Eek!
Dudette's Syndrome - 06/03/06 12:00 PM
You don't have complete "girl" status, but you're not "one of the guys" now either. As per the usual, you're sort of stuck in between with a mixed, incomplete set of gender privileges. Sometimes, especially early on, it's not uncommon to be called "dude" with a hastily (but tardily) added "-ette". At least in my generation.
It's understandable, though. Often, to friends, coworkers, and family, your transition literally feels as though the "old you" is slowly replaced by this new person they hardly know. Going through the entire grief process for the person they thought they knew is, unfortunately, the norm.
On the other hand, it's not always easy for the transwoman to relate to male friends and family as female. I find myself relating to them, again, as sort of a "dudette," not that that's what I really am, but rather because that's how we've related to each other for years and years.
It's not a huge concern, but it really can make things awkward and stilted sometimes.
I bet my FtM brothers experience the same thing in reverse, and that has to be even more difficult. Eek!
Posted in transition by Milla