Yep, mm-hmm. Cisphobia. n. The irrational fear, loathing, or distrust of a cisgendered person or group of people.
It sounds like the latest vocabulary word over at Freeperville, but it's not. Let me explain.
Just the other night, Connie and I were doing some shopping. I paid the cashier this time. Usually, it's no more problem for me than anybody else anymore, but this time, I grew a bit nervous approaching the checkout.
Just like old times. We've been shopping at that exact Copps store on occasion since I first visited my brother here in Appleton. I didn't pass back then, and we've gone there often enough since that some employees probably know me. It was getting near closing. Three cashier/bagger ladies were sparsely congregated at the two lanes nearest the main exit, looking as if they'd been talking.
My mind begins to click and whir as I approach. This is unusual now that I pass well. Why? They must be gossiping. About what? Me, of course: I'm trans. And they know it from back then. They must have been gossiping about me. Their demeanor seemed "off" to me, especially when the other cashier picked up a can of tuna I dropped.
I talked about it with Connie out in the parking lot, mildly upset, but she'd noticed nothing strange at all.
There's a chance I was right, but that's beside the point. I jumped on these assumptions with little more solid evidence than me being transgendered.
I've noticed that I'm far from the only transperson to have this persecution complex on occasion. For example, an older trans friend of mine, who shops at the musicians' store I used to work at, was totally convinced they talked about her when she left. Once, I carefully "spied" on them for her after she left the store one time. (I wasn't out at work yet.) Not so much as a look or a peep out of anyone. I let her know it was cool, and she was visibly relieved.
Cisphobia is understandable when you consider the social climate for transpeople, even today. It's improving in most areas, but still far from friendly. Assuming everyone is trans-friendly can even be hazardous to your physical safety. But the other extreme, cisphobia, can be a trap, leading one to have feelings and suspicions that closely resemble acute paranoia.
My fellow transfolks, it's possible to be too careful, and it can damage the individual happiness and social health we've worked so hard for.
Yes, it must be difficult to restrain your paranoia, especially given the area you live in. In the GLBT family, transgendereds are, of course, the group that is the least able to conceal their identity. By contrast, I'm in the group that is easiest to remain secret (bisexual). I often consider the "heterosexual privilege" I have, especially since I have a live-in girlfriend. Nobody asks, nobody wonders. One of my employees is openly gay, and I have a lot of respect for that. I wonder sometimes whether I should be more open or not.
Posted by Anonymous at March 17, 2007 06:03 PM
I saw you on Stumbleupon. I watched Doll Face. I can imagine how that would feel and I think about it every time I see transgendered people.
You have to realize, though, that there's a very visceral reaction to transvestites and transsexuals. It's just something that makes you do a doubletake and it's not quite apparent why.
And then, add onto that the fact that many, many people have a problem with that sort of thing. A severe problem.
You ARE right that you're persecuted. You ARE right that you are stared at and that people hate you.
Like the guy above me (I presume he's a guy) I'm bi, and I'm not ok with everyone knowing about it.
Like it or not, you made a decision, and I don't think you did it lightly. It's one you're going to have to live with, for 20 or 50 years or so until body transplant surgery becomes a reality.
Posted by foo at March 30, 2007 08:36 PM
Humm, Body Transplant Surgery? Ironically enough at this point in my life, I don't think I'd even want it. Yeah, a long time ago, in a life far away from the one I now live, I was sort of a guy.
I invested in myself when I transitioned, and while I've had part surgically removed, and need to have my vagina fixed, the work I've done on this body has paid off big time. I just finished up a year membership with Curves and didn't renew only because of price, and the fact that I'm moving.
No-one there knew my history, doubt seriously... Wait, I'm wrong, one of the girls there knew me from the Bank she worked at, the one I transitioned in place at. So, yes, one person I know for certain knew. The rest of the girls I seriously doubt it, especially since (and I cannot tell you how much this freaked me out!) several of them WISHED they had MY body and skin. I mean really, so many long lonely years of WISHING I looked like a girl, and suddenly to have people wishing they had MY BODY and SKIN?!?!??!??
I'm 43 and NO-ONE believes me without seeing proof, I've got a slightly heavy but otherwise hourglass figure and great legs, a butt I used to dream of having and well simply put;
Transition has been really, really good to me! I gave up worrying about passing a while ago when my sister cornered me a read me the riot act about the difference between passing and unquestionable. Up to that point the only people who ever worried about passing was me. Seriously I have friends to this day who don't believe I could ever have been a guy, some who knew me when I was.
I'm long since the point of hunger to have a child, to bear a child of my own, so why would I want a transplant? Heck, for that matter I'm still concerned (as are my doctors) that we're going to find more girlbits inside when I get to the point of finishing surgery. They, and my sister want me to have an ultrasound first, so they know for sure what's going on. I've been having nice regular 28 day cycles since I was 11, all the bad parts except the bleeding, and needed way less HRT pre-orchi than most trans folks. Honestly being on HRT made my cycles far easier to deal with, and cut way, way down on the cramps.
Body Transplant? Crap, I might start having bad cramps again, thank you but NO!!! Plus I might lose the fine motor skills I've got, the eyes that make me a good photographer and artist. The ears that let me really appreciate music, and the voice that lets me win karaoke competitions singing. Though I can't do Garth Brooks any more and sound like him, I can cover stuff I only dreamed of in the past now with my new voice.
Honestly there's so much I might lose for what? What would a body transplant get me I don't already have? A uterus that wouldn't get used? Having to go through menopause (which I skipped the first time) and fight doctors to put me on HRT to prevent it. Nah, thanks, but I can't think of a single thing I might gain. Plus, considering how much time, energy and love I've put into my journey I'm not going to get to have my final surgery and deal with dilating? I'm sorry but I'm a selfish bitch at this point, having to dilate is something I'm looking forward to! A medical reason to have to spend some quality time with my vagina, spoiling it, and me after too many years of dreaming of it? Thank you but no! Done right (and I have friends who have confirmed this) dilating can be very pleasurable. Candles, soft music and the right stent turns a chore into something to look forward to.
Cisphobia - 03/16/07 01:39 AM
Yep, mm-hmm. Cisphobia. n. The irrational fear, loathing, or distrust of a cisgendered person or group of people.
It sounds like the latest vocabulary word over at Freeperville, but it's not. Let me explain.
Just the other night, Connie and I were doing some shopping. I paid the cashier this time. Usually, it's no more problem for me than anybody else anymore, but this time, I grew a bit nervous approaching the checkout.
Just like old times. We've been shopping at that exact Copps store on occasion since I first visited my brother here in Appleton. I didn't pass back then, and we've gone there often enough since that some employees probably know me. It was getting near closing. Three cashier/bagger ladies were sparsely congregated at the two lanes nearest the main exit, looking as if they'd been talking.
My mind begins to click and whir as I approach. This is unusual now that I pass well. Why? They must be gossiping. About what? Me, of course: I'm trans. And they know it from back then. They must have been gossiping about me. Their demeanor seemed "off" to me, especially when the other cashier picked up a can of tuna I dropped.
I talked about it with Connie out in the parking lot, mildly upset, but she'd noticed nothing strange at all.
There's a chance I was right, but that's beside the point. I jumped on these assumptions with little more solid evidence than me being transgendered.
I've noticed that I'm far from the only transperson to have this persecution complex on occasion. For example, an older trans friend of mine, who shops at the musicians' store I used to work at, was totally convinced they talked about her when she left. Once, I carefully "spied" on them for her after she left the store one time. (I wasn't out at work yet.) Not so much as a look or a peep out of anyone. I let her know it was cool, and she was visibly relieved.
Cisphobia is understandable when you consider the social climate for transpeople, even today. It's improving in most areas, but still far from friendly. Assuming everyone is trans-friendly can even be hazardous to your physical safety. But the other extreme, cisphobia, can be a trap, leading one to have feelings and suspicions that closely resemble acute paranoia.
My fellow transfolks, it's possible to be too careful, and it can damage the individual happiness and social health we've worked so hard for.
If we're not careful.
Posted in transition by Milla | Comments (3)
Yes, it must be difficult to restrain your paranoia, especially given the area you live in. In the GLBT family, transgendereds are, of course, the group that is the least able to conceal their identity. By contrast, I'm in the group that is easiest to remain secret (bisexual). I often consider the "heterosexual privilege" I have, especially since I have a live-in girlfriend. Nobody asks, nobody wonders. One of my employees is openly gay, and I have a lot of respect for that. I wonder sometimes whether I should be more open or not.
Posted by Anonymous at March 17, 2007 06:03 PM
I saw you on Stumbleupon. I watched Doll Face. I can imagine how that would feel and I think about it every time I see transgendered people.
You have to realize, though, that there's a very visceral reaction to transvestites and transsexuals. It's just something that makes you do a doubletake and it's not quite apparent why.
And then, add onto that the fact that many, many people have a problem with that sort of thing. A severe problem.
You ARE right that you're persecuted. You ARE right that you are stared at and that people hate you.
Like the guy above me (I presume he's a guy) I'm bi, and I'm not ok with everyone knowing about it.
Like it or not, you made a decision, and I don't think you did it lightly. It's one you're going to have to live with, for 20 or 50 years or so until body transplant surgery becomes a reality.
Posted by foo at March 30, 2007 08:36 PM
Humm, Body Transplant Surgery? Ironically enough at this point in my life, I don't think I'd even want it. Yeah, a long time ago, in a life far away from the one I now live, I was sort of a guy.
I invested in myself when I transitioned, and while I've had part surgically removed, and need to have my vagina fixed, the work I've done on this body has paid off big time. I just finished up a year membership with Curves and didn't renew only because of price, and the fact that I'm moving.
No-one there knew my history, doubt seriously... Wait, I'm wrong, one of the girls there knew me from the Bank she worked at, the one I transitioned in place at. So, yes, one person I know for certain knew. The rest of the girls I seriously doubt it, especially since (and I cannot tell you how much this freaked me out!) several of them WISHED they had MY body and skin. I mean really, so many long lonely years of WISHING I looked like a girl, and suddenly to have people wishing they had MY BODY and SKIN?!?!??!??
I'm 43 and NO-ONE believes me without seeing proof, I've got a slightly heavy but otherwise hourglass figure and great legs, a butt I used to dream of having and well simply put;
Transition has been really, really good to me! I gave up worrying about passing a while ago when my sister cornered me a read me the riot act about the difference between passing and unquestionable. Up to that point the only people who ever worried about passing was me. Seriously I have friends to this day who don't believe I could ever have been a guy, some who knew me when I was.
I'm long since the point of hunger to have a child, to bear a child of my own, so why would I want a transplant? Heck, for that matter I'm still concerned (as are my doctors) that we're going to find more girlbits inside when I get to the point of finishing surgery. They, and my sister want me to have an ultrasound first, so they know for sure what's going on. I've been having nice regular 28 day cycles since I was 11, all the bad parts except the bleeding, and needed way less HRT pre-orchi than most trans folks. Honestly being on HRT made my cycles far easier to deal with, and cut way, way down on the cramps.
Body Transplant? Crap, I might start having bad cramps again, thank you but NO!!! Plus I might lose the fine motor skills I've got, the eyes that make me a good photographer and artist. The ears that let me really appreciate music, and the voice that lets me win karaoke competitions singing. Though I can't do Garth Brooks any more and sound like him, I can cover stuff I only dreamed of in the past now with my new voice.
Honestly there's so much I might lose for what? What would a body transplant get me I don't already have? A uterus that wouldn't get used? Having to go through menopause (which I skipped the first time) and fight doctors to put me on HRT to prevent it. Nah, thanks, but I can't think of a single thing I might gain. Plus, considering how much time, energy and love I've put into my journey I'm not going to get to have my final surgery and deal with dilating? I'm sorry but I'm a selfish bitch at this point, having to dilate is something I'm looking forward to! A medical reason to have to spend some quality time with my vagina, spoiling it, and me after too many years of dreaming of it? Thank you but no! Done right (and I have friends who have confirmed this) dilating can be very pleasurable. Candles, soft music and the right stent turns a chore into something to look forward to.
Nope, I'm not going to risk losing that either.
Sam
Posted by Samantha at September 18, 2007 03:37 AM