When I first started Transgurl, I wanted to create a fun, casual transgender weblog targeted at the general public and more-or-less newcomers to transition. It seemed like other trans weblogs were intended mainly for advanced transfolk and allies.
(Not that there's anything wrong with that.)
Now, while I like to think I did okay for a while, there are only so many aspects of MtF transition that really deserve full, in-depth entries. It ended up feeling kinda like trying to run a 24-hour news network about aardvarks or something. Heh. There's only so much to write about, and to keep the signal-to-noise ratio high, I haven't just written about Any Olde Thing very often.
That's about to change. I should be updating again sometime before too long, maybe with a fresh new layout, possibly using Wordpress instead, writing about anything that crosses mah purty lil' head this time around.
Cutesy logo with smart-alecky tagline and matching domain name. Check! Fancy three-column layout. Check! Eye-soothing pastels. Check. Introductory weblog entry... damn.
I'm Milla, a 31-year old transgendered woman. "Transgendered" is an umbrella term that describes people whose sex, gender identity, and/or assigned gender don't match, or don't conform to society's girl/boy binary. In my case, I was born with both sets of parts, more or less. I'm intersexed.
I was operated on at birth, declared a boy, and raised that way. Well, mostly. Today I'm living in Wisconsin as a woman with my partner, who is also female. (I'll call her C from now on.) She's what is known in the transgender community as a "GG", or "genetic girl."
But much more about that to follow. Here at Transgurl.com, I plan to write about my past and future experiences in correcting my sex and gender, and the unusual situations I find myself in.
Hopefully I'll be writing at least a few times a week, ideally once a day, so check back often. And hey, if you enjoy the site, help a sista out (see left). Thanks!
I'm taking a short break (probably a week or so). Yep, already.
It looks like I might be getting hired as myself(!!) at Wally World (of all places). Also, I just made it through my monthly week of not taking any progesterone, and it's unusually bad this time, so I'm in Psycho Bitch/Weepy Woman mode a lot.
It's been fun, but the overall return on my investment isn't exactly what I'd hoped.
Any future posting (or account renewal, for that matter) looks pretty doubtful right now, unless my AdSense account suddenly swells by a factor of five or more. They'll probably cancel me soon for saying that anyway. Oh well.
I appreciate the return I did get, though. Thank you!
Edit 5/21/06: Decided I enjoy doing the site enough that I'll just remove the ads and continue until/while hosting costs shut me down.
Appy polly logies for the lack of updates recently. If it's any consolation, I do have a large non-personal entry coming up soon. It rocks, honest!
One of the reasons for the serious lag in updates lately is that I'm simply running out of transition-related topics. Feel free to suggest them via comments or email if there's anything you're curious about. It's Ask a Tranny!
But mainly, I've had some rough emotional spots and general foot-dragging to deal with. After all, those are the perks of being a fucked-up bipolar chick who gets her sex hormones via air mail.
Speaking of which, I look pretty tonight. (Please bear with me.) I was about to brush my teeth, and my reflection in our large bathroom mirror struck me. I'm not drop-dead gorgeous, but through all the personal hubbub, sometimes I fail to even notice all the wonderful progress I make. Yes, for a girl who grew up with testes, and has only been on female HRT for a little over a year, starting at 30, I actually look pretty okay!
This sort of downtime is exactly when I lose sight of why I'm going through all this soul-rending crapola to begin with. When I'm down, frustrated, or otherwise unhappy, often I get a feeling I've come to call The Doubt.
Occasional cases of The Doubt are not at all uncommon among transfolks. One of my trans friends has reported experiencing this post-op, even. It's the strong, distressing feeling that you really belong to your assigned gender after all, that transition is futile and crazy, that one still looks very male or female.
I'll admit it: The Doubt has almost caused me to give up on transitioning a couple of times. It's such a powerful feeling that it has surely, sadly changed the minds of some otherwise newly happy, comfortable people.
Thankfully, there's also the flip-side of the coin: Certainty. I've had moments of such blaring certainty, I can end some Doubt spells just by remembering that feeling, along with my 2-year-old driver's license photo:
Hello... I haven't been around much, but I should be back soon. (New visitors looking for non-personal-type entries might want to look through the category archives-- I hear they're decent.)
Though, general trans topics are running pretty slim. When I do come back (probably sometime next week), I'll need to turn this place into a largely personal weblog, or otherwise change the focus.
Things have gotten a little weird for me lately. (Yeah, eh?) I hope it'll pan out, but in the meantime it may make good Transgurl fodder. Until then, I'm getting my hours in as a part-time involunteer at the local Goodwill store. The constant walking makes it exhausting, but "making" $20.31 towards the fine every hour makes it totally worth it.
Things weren't all that bad in reality, but it sure did feel like it. I couldn't really place just why.
Part of the problem was, I got depressed again. No, wait, that was the whole problem. Transgurl had run out of steam. I was still dealing with legal problems from July '05. I could have been sent back to jail for two and a half months at the drop of a hat. I was Doubt-y. And I only saw Connie a couple hours on weekdays; I was working at Goodwill for free every night because I had-ta. That last bit was the kicker.
Connie and I once volunteered a couple of Wednesdays at a different thrift store. A few of our co-volunteers made the experience less fun for us than it could have been, so we stopped going. But otherwise it helped me get out of the house, and we both love helping out folks who are even poorer than we are.
But at Goodwill, I felt like Little Miss Criminal in the Blue Criminal's Apron for Criminals or something the whole time. It might have been only my own insecurity toying with me, but only a few red-aprons interacted with me regarding anything beyond business. (And they were great folks, those non-judgmental red-aprons.)
So yeah, anyway, that's done. No more fine; I paid the community back for my crime by instead hanging up used clothes! Ah well. My probation should end very soon now, and that will make it much easier to become employed at all. Employment is good. A necessary evil at worst. It pays for hair removal. Internet. And miscellanea like rent and food.
There has been yet another bump in the road for Your Humble Narrator, and it was a realllly big one. It came very close to being the one that broke the axle, so to speak, but this tranny is still shifting gears. [Alright, knock it off. -- Ed.]
I'll elaborate later. In the meantime, I'm gathering some limited crap (and tossing/donating the rest) so I can move to Chicago where I visited a couple of my very good friends earlier in the year.
I'm now unemployed again. Connie and I are through relationship-wise. As to whether we'll continue to be friends, well that remains to be seen. Regardless, she's not coming with me.
Still, this is looking like it may well turn out to be a change for the better.
Wow. Dag, yo. I haven't written a real entry since before Christmas.
I'm still here, folks, promise. I'm getting around to feeling like I'm ready to write about some events that have transpired since, and I've also recently given in to the temptation of beginning to piece together the obligatory Boy Pic Post ™.
The show will commence shortly. You may wish to pick up some refreshments at the concession stand on your way back to your seat. We apologize for the delay.
Damn, it's been a while.
[Walks up to podium. Clears throat.]
When I first started Transgurl, I wanted to create a fun, casual transgender weblog targeted at the general public and more-or-less newcomers to transition. It seemed like other trans weblogs were intended mainly for advanced transfolk and allies.
(Not that there's anything wrong with that.)
Now, while I like to think I did okay for a while, there are only so many aspects of MtF transition that really deserve full, in-depth entries. It ended up feeling kinda like trying to run a 24-hour news network about aardvarks or something. Heh. There's only so much to write about, and to keep the signal-to-noise ratio high, I haven't just written about Any Olde Thing very often.
That's about to change. I should be updating again sometime before too long, maybe with a fresh new layout, possibly using Wordpress instead, writing about anything that crosses mah purty lil' head this time around.
Yay for weblog liberation!
Posted in misc, weblog by Milla | Comments (2)
I'm Milla, a 31-year old transgendered woman. "Transgendered" is an umbrella term that describes people whose sex, gender identity, and/or assigned gender don't match, or don't conform to society's girl/boy binary. In my case, I was born with both sets of parts, more or less. I'm intersexed.
I was operated on at birth, declared a boy, and raised that way. Well, mostly. Today I'm living in Wisconsin as a woman with my partner, who is also female. (I'll call her C from now on.) She's what is known in the transgender community as a "GG", or "genetic girl."
But much more about that to follow. Here at Transgurl.com, I plan to write about my past and future experiences in correcting my sex and gender, and the unusual situations I find myself in.
Hopefully I'll be writing at least a few times a week, ideally once a day, so check back often. And hey, if you enjoy the site, help a sista out (see left). Thanks!
Posted in misc, weblog by Milla | Comments (6)
Folks:
I'm taking a short break (probably a week or so). Yep, already.
It looks like I might be getting hired as myself(!!) at Wally World (of all places). Also, I just made it through my monthly week of not taking any progesterone, and it's unusually bad this time, so I'm in Psycho Bitch/Weepy Woman mode a lot.
I'll be back very soon, promise! Just a heads-up.
[Update 4/27: I'm back. Whew.]
Posted in weblog by Milla
It's been fun, but the overall return on my investment isn't exactly what I'd hoped.Any future posting (or account renewal, for that matter) looks pretty doubtful right now, unless my AdSense account suddenly swells by a factor of five or more. They'll probably cancel me soon for saying that anyway. Oh well.
I appreciate the return I did get, though. Thank you!
Edit 5/21/06: Decided I enjoy doing the site enough that I'll just remove the ads and continue until/while hosting costs shut me down.
Posted in weblog by Milla | Comments (2)
Appy polly logies for the lack of updates recently. If it's any consolation, I do have a large non-personal entry coming up soon. It rocks, honest!
One of the reasons for the serious lag in updates lately is that I'm simply running out of transition-related topics. Feel free to suggest them via comments or email if there's anything you're curious about. It's Ask a Tranny!
But mainly, I've had some rough emotional spots and general foot-dragging to deal with. After all, those are the perks of being a fucked-up bipolar chick who gets her sex hormones via air mail.
Speaking of which, I look pretty tonight. (Please bear with me.) I was about to brush my teeth, and my reflection in our large bathroom mirror struck me. I'm not drop-dead gorgeous, but through all the personal hubbub, sometimes I fail to even notice all the wonderful progress I make. Yes, for a girl who grew up with testes, and has only been on female HRT for a little over a year, starting at 30, I actually look pretty okay!
This sort of downtime is exactly when I lose sight of why I'm going through all this soul-rending crapola to begin with. When I'm down, frustrated, or otherwise unhappy, often I get a feeling I've come to call The Doubt.
Occasional cases of The Doubt are not at all uncommon among transfolks. One of my trans friends has reported experiencing this post-op, even. It's the strong, distressing feeling that you really belong to your assigned gender after all, that transition is futile and crazy, that one still looks very male or female.
I'll admit it: The Doubt has almost caused me to give up on transitioning a couple of times. It's such a powerful feeling that it has surely, sadly changed the minds of some otherwise newly happy, comfortable people.
Thankfully, there's also the flip-side of the coin: Certainty. I've had moments of such blaring certainty, I can end some Doubt spells just by remembering that feeling, along with my 2-year-old driver's license photo:
Yep. I'm pretty durned sure.
Posted in transition, weblog by Milla | Comments (5)
Hello... I haven't been around much, but I should be back soon. (New visitors looking for non-personal-type entries might want to look through the category archives-- I hear they're decent.)
Though, general trans topics are running pretty slim. When I do come back (probably sometime next week), I'll need to turn this place into a largely personal weblog, or otherwise change the focus.
Things have gotten a little weird for me lately. (Yeah, eh?) I hope it'll pan out, but in the meantime it may make good Transgurl fodder. Until then, I'm getting my hours in as a part-time involunteer at the local Goodwill store. The constant walking makes it exhausting, but "making" $20.31 towards the fine every hour makes it totally worth it.
Promise to be back next week or sooner!
Posted in weblog by Milla | Post a Comment?
Things weren't all that bad in reality, but it sure did feel like it. I couldn't really place just why.
Part of the problem was, I got depressed again. No, wait, that was the whole problem. Transgurl had run out of steam. I was still dealing with legal problems from July '05. I could have been sent back to jail for two and a half months at the drop of a hat. I was Doubt-y. And I only saw Connie a couple hours on weekdays; I was working at Goodwill for free every night because I had-ta. That last bit was the kicker.
Connie and I once volunteered a couple of Wednesdays at a different thrift store. A few of our co-volunteers made the experience less fun for us than it could have been, so we stopped going. But otherwise it helped me get out of the house, and we both love helping out folks who are even poorer than we are.
But at Goodwill, I felt like Little Miss Criminal in the Blue Criminal's Apron for Criminals or something the whole time. It might have been only my own insecurity toying with me, but only a few red-aprons interacted with me regarding anything beyond business. (And they were great folks, those non-judgmental red-aprons.)
So yeah, anyway, that's done. No more fine; I paid the community back for my crime by instead hanging up used clothes! Ah well. My probation should end very soon now, and that will make it much easier to become employed at all. Employment is good. A necessary evil at worst. It pays for hair removal. Internet. And miscellanea like rent and food.
Posted in misc, transition, weblog by Milla | Comments (3)
There has been yet another bump in the road for Your Humble Narrator, and it was a realllly big one. It came very close to being the one that broke the axle, so to speak, but this tranny is still shifting gears. [Alright, knock it off. -- Ed.]
I'll elaborate later. In the meantime, I'm gathering some limited crap (and tossing/donating the rest) so I can move to Chicago where I visited a couple of my very good friends earlier in the year.
I'm now unemployed again. Connie and I are through relationship-wise. As to whether we'll continue to be friends, well that remains to be seen. Regardless, she's not coming with me.
Still, this is looking like it may well turn out to be a change for the better.
Till then, much love, and I remain --
Milla
Posted in misc, weblog by Milla | Comments (3)
Wow. Dag, yo. I haven't written a real entry since before Christmas.
I'm still here, folks, promise. I'm getting around to feeling like I'm ready to write about some events that have transpired since, and I've also recently given in to the temptation of beginning to piece together the obligatory Boy Pic Post ™.
The show will commence shortly. You may wish to pick up some refreshments at the concession stand on your way back to your seat. We apologize for the delay.
Posted in misc, weblog by Milla | Post a Comment?