Patita Pirata asks: "Is there anything you miss about living as a man? On the flip side, what's your favorite thing about living as a woman?"
Good questions, Patita!
I don't miss much about living in the male role, but a few things were easier to deal with.
I think the thing I miss the most, and I hope it's not disappointing, was passing so flawlessly. I was ma'amed 7-8 times in my 29-year lifespan before I transitioned. That wouldn't be a great passing rate for a non-trans person, but much better than I am likely to get now, even if I "went back."
I also miss some aspects of male privilege. Yes, guys, it's very real. I had more license to act and present myself in certain ways because, after all, boys will be boys. Well... usually. I was allowed to act smarter and more confident, and customer service/tech support guys seemed more eager to please me, and more confident in the information I provided. 'Cause girls don't know nothing about boy stuff.
And then of course, being a girl is a huge pain sometimes because we're expected to put a lot more effort into our day-to-day appearances. Which leads neatly to your next question; It's actually my favorite thing at the same time!
I have to admit that my favorite thing about femalehood is appearance: body shape, clothes, jewelry, makeup. It feels a lot more natural, and it can be a lot of fun to get dolled up and go out without fear of ridicule. The clothes are far more interesting and varied, and much more comfortable usually.
Being allowed to have and show feelings is a definite plus. I'm not ridiculed when I cry. We're allowed to touch each other.
Except the occasional cattiness, women have a sort of empathy for each other I really appreciate. When I'm with other women, I don't feel like an outsider like I do with men, and I'm not automatically assumed to meet male stereotypes, especially negative ones. I can look at other girls and their clothes without them assuming I'm gawking at their figures. I feel like I belong. I can bash men. (But only in fun, guys!)
It's way easier for me to get dates, especially with boys, now.
Brights, pastels, and especially pinks are no longer a mortal sin. And there are more than 8 colors at all.
I could go on for hours about why I'm glad I'm female in umpteen-hundred ways, but those are my favorite!
It's time for another installment of Ask a Tranny. Yay! This time we're talking about relationships, and appropriately, there are two questions this time. Ohh yeah! Ahem.
The first topic comes from reader Gwen. Gwen doesn't really have a specific question I can quote. She's been full-time for about five months, and is curious about dating guys, and would like to know about my experiences. She is also, understandably, concerned about how the trans thing comes into play.
For the pre-op MtF, dating can get a little complicated. While there's no perfect way to do it, it can still easily be done!
If one passes, my preferred method is arranging a date in a very public place and meeting them there, then going home with a trusted friend or on your own afterwards. If you decide you'd like to see them again and they feel likewise, only then do you come out to them. Over the phone. If there's a hugely negative reaction, you are physically safe, and they can't come bother you at home because they don't know where you live! Or, it could go over very well with them. Better than well, even.
Pre-op, the best luck with getting dates to begin with will be had with guys and girls who identify as bisexual. Good luck can be had finding dates on online dating services, but results are probably as mixed as for any other girl. I had a few potential guy dates that never happened, but they easily could have, and some almost did. On these services, I prefer to identify as trans in my profile. Transgendered-specific dating services can bring chasers out of the woodwork, but they do work.
Honestly, I haven't dated many guys for very long yet, but it'll surely happen. I briefly dated a guy in Pittsburgh before I lost contact with him to circumstance. This was years before my transition, back in '96, but he treated me like a girl, which I certainly didn't mind! I felt different with him than I have in my relationships with girls. It was a safe, cared-for feeling. He was a pizza driver at a joint I liked, and he picked me up on my way home from art school and gave me a ride to my apartment in the rain. *sighhhh*
I'm very happy in my relationship with Connie, even though it may not last forever. Dating a cissy girl can tend to make a tranny girl feel mannish sometimes, but it's great if you swing that way. Dating a caring guy who treats you right is also wonderful. How to choose?
---
This second question comes from a trans friend of mine who wishes to be anonymous. She asked me recently, "Is it bad to respond to a w4w personal ad and not tell the person that you are trans?"
I have strong opinions on that subject. It's not wrong. But hiding candy is generally a bad idea, especially when dating large, straight men.
I believe trans people really are who we say we are, and we have just as much right to privacy and dignity as anyone else. We don't (well, shouldn't) have to disclose the status or history of our genitals.
But if your parts don't currently match your gender, it's far more courteous-- and safer-- to tell your partner. It's no moral obligation, though. Some post-op girls (and guys?) live in "deep stealth," not even out to their partners. I think that's great! They've become themselves about as fully as they can.
Today's questions come from reader Katie. She writes:
I'm a 35yo, MTF, who hasn't started hormones yet. Your photos look very dramatic, so I'm wondering what type of regimen you're on. [...] Also, I'd like to get your opinion on something. I work in a very, very, (did I say very?), conservative office environment. So, I'm wondering, how long do you think (in your opinion) I could start taking hormones without people noticing?
Thanks for the questions, Katie!
I'm on 2mg of estradiol valerate (Estrace) twice daily, 100 mg spironolactone (Aldactone) twice daily, and 5mg Provera in the evening. I've been on that regimen for most of my transition.
On a regimen like mine, you can probably go six to eight months before you'd have to start wearing a tight sports bra. After about a year or so, I'd reckon that people might start to wonder anyway, depending on your weight/build, style of dress, and how observant your coworkers are. I've read over and over that one can hide the effects of HRT indefinitely, but my own experience would suggest otherwise.
These are of course only guesses, as I went full-time at around 4 months on HRT. I was fairly thin then, for me (a size 14), and nobody at the musician's store I worked at suspected anything. If getting "caught" will be a problem at work, there is the option of slowing the changes by omitting meds or reducing doses. This, I'm told, won't harm the final result.
Hormones change you psychologically as well, and Provera especially can make you really PMS-y or otherwise moody and irritable, so be careful to take them exactly on time!
----
Y'know, I kind of dig being sort of a tranny agony aunt. So, whether you're just a curious bystander, thinking about MtF transition, or still in the trenches (like yours truly), don't be afraid to email me questions, or just post them as comments!
Also, I'm working hard on categories. I just kind of added them over time. But never went back and assigned them to older entries. So now I'm doing just that! Woo!
Patita Pirata asks: "Is there anything you miss about living as a man? On the flip side, what's your favorite thing about living as a woman?"
Good questions, Patita!
I don't miss much about living in the male role, but a few things were easier to deal with.
I think the thing I miss the most, and I hope it's not disappointing, was passing so flawlessly. I was ma'amed 7-8 times in my 29-year lifespan before I transitioned. That wouldn't be a great passing rate for a non-trans person, but much better than I am likely to get now, even if I "went back."
I also miss some aspects of male privilege. Yes, guys, it's very real. I had more license to act and present myself in certain ways because, after all, boys will be boys. Well... usually. I was allowed to act smarter and more confident, and customer service/tech support guys seemed more eager to please me, and more confident in the information I provided. 'Cause girls don't know nothing about boy stuff.
And then of course, being a girl is a huge pain sometimes because we're expected to put a lot more effort into our day-to-day appearances. Which leads neatly to your next question; It's actually my favorite thing at the same time!
I have to admit that my favorite thing about femalehood is appearance: body shape, clothes, jewelry, makeup. It feels a lot more natural, and it can be a lot of fun to get dolled up and go out without fear of ridicule. The clothes are far more interesting and varied, and much more comfortable usually.
Being allowed to have and show feelings is a definite plus. I'm not ridiculed when I cry. We're allowed to touch each other.
Except the occasional cattiness, women have a sort of empathy for each other I really appreciate. When I'm with other women, I don't feel like an outsider like I do with men, and I'm not automatically assumed to meet male stereotypes, especially negative ones. I can look at other girls and their clothes without them assuming I'm gawking at their figures. I feel like I belong. I can bash men. (But only in fun, guys!)
It's way easier for me to get dates, especially with boys, now.
Brights, pastels, and especially pinks are no longer a mortal sin. And there are more than 8 colors at all.
I could go on for hours about why I'm glad I'm female in umpteen-hundred ways, but those are my favorite!
Posted in ask_a_tranny, playing_boy, transition by Milla | Comments (5)
It's time for another installment of Ask a Tranny. Yay! This time we're talking about relationships, and appropriately, there are two questions this time. Ohh yeah! Ahem.
The first topic comes from reader Gwen. Gwen doesn't really have a specific question I can quote. She's been full-time for about five months, and is curious about dating guys, and would like to know about my experiences. She is also, understandably, concerned about how the trans thing comes into play.
For the pre-op MtF, dating can get a little complicated. While there's no perfect way to do it, it can still easily be done!
If one passes, my preferred method is arranging a date in a very public place and meeting them there, then going home with a trusted friend or on your own afterwards. If you decide you'd like to see them again and they feel likewise, only then do you come out to them. Over the phone. If there's a hugely negative reaction, you are physically safe, and they can't come bother you at home because they don't know where you live! Or, it could go over very well with them. Better than well, even.
Pre-op, the best luck with getting dates to begin with will be had with guys and girls who identify as bisexual. Good luck can be had finding dates on online dating services, but results are probably as mixed as for any other girl. I had a few potential guy dates that never happened, but they easily could have, and some almost did. On these services, I prefer to identify as trans in my profile. Transgendered-specific dating services can bring chasers out of the woodwork, but they do work.
Honestly, I haven't dated many guys for very long yet, but it'll surely happen. I briefly dated a guy in Pittsburgh before I lost contact with him to circumstance. This was years before my transition, back in '96, but he treated me like a girl, which I certainly didn't mind! I felt different with him than I have in my relationships with girls. It was a safe, cared-for feeling. He was a pizza driver at a joint I liked, and he picked me up on my way home from art school and gave me a ride to my apartment in the rain. *sighhhh*
I'm very happy in my relationship with Connie, even though it may not last forever. Dating a cissy girl can tend to make a tranny girl feel mannish sometimes, but it's great if you swing that way. Dating a caring guy who treats you right is also wonderful. How to choose?
---
This second question comes from a trans friend of mine who wishes to be anonymous. She asked me recently, "Is it bad to respond to a w4w personal ad and not tell the person that you are trans?"
I have strong opinions on that subject. It's not wrong. But hiding candy is generally a bad idea, especially when dating large, straight men.
I believe trans people really are who we say we are, and we have just as much right to privacy and dignity as anyone else. We don't (well, shouldn't) have to disclose the status or history of our genitals.
But if your parts don't currently match your gender, it's far more courteous-- and safer-- to tell your partner. It's no moral obligation, though. Some post-op girls (and guys?) live in "deep stealth," not even out to their partners. I think that's great! They've become themselves about as fully as they can.
Posted in ask_a_tranny, relationships, sexuality by Milla | Comments (3)
Today's questions come from reader Katie. She writes:
Thanks for the questions, Katie!
I'm on 2mg of estradiol valerate (Estrace) twice daily, 100 mg spironolactone (Aldactone) twice daily, and 5mg Provera in the evening. I've been on that regimen for most of my transition.
On a regimen like mine, you can probably go six to eight months before you'd have to start wearing a tight sports bra. After about a year or so, I'd reckon that people might start to wonder anyway, depending on your weight/build, style of dress, and how observant your coworkers are. I've read over and over that one can hide the effects of HRT indefinitely, but my own experience would suggest otherwise.
These are of course only guesses, as I went full-time at around 4 months on HRT. I was fairly thin then, for me (a size 14), and nobody at the musician's store I worked at suspected anything. If getting "caught" will be a problem at work, there is the option of slowing the changes by omitting meds or reducing doses. This, I'm told, won't harm the final result.
Hormones change you psychologically as well, and Provera especially can make you really PMS-y or otherwise moody and irritable, so be careful to take them exactly on time!
----
Y'know, I kind of dig being sort of a tranny agony aunt. So, whether you're just a curious bystander, thinking about MtF transition, or still in the trenches (like yours truly), don't be afraid to email me questions, or just post them as comments!
Also, I'm working hard on categories. I just kind of added them over time. But never went back and assigned them to older entries. So now I'm doing just that! Woo!
Posted in ask_a_tranny, hormones, transition by Milla