Once upon a time, when I was but a wee little tranny tot, in the first grade wayyyy back in 1981, I had some friends. Not a huge lot of friends, but the friends I did have were close ones. One of them-- let's call him Kelly, not his real name-- was every bit the sissy I was, if I may.
We kind of latched on to each other. We had an affinity for small, cute things. We sucked at sports and liked it that way. We hated loud music and never went shirtless. We giggled and acted prissy to others for our own entertainment.
And yes, we even sang girls' hand-clapping rhymes:
Ask me no more questions,
Tell me no more lies,
The boys are in the bathroom,
Zipping up their-
Flies are in the city...
Etcetera.
Even back then, some of the other kids around his neighborhood (the less sheltered ones) thought we were boyfriends. "YER GAAAAY! Huh huh huh."
But what they were missing out on was that we weren't boyfriends, we were just close girlfriends. I say this not out of assumption on my part, but because Kelly admitted to me that "he" felt like a girl, and took me into his neighbor's garage several times one summer, where he'd briefly put on a sundress lying on one of the boxes in there.
He urged me to wear the dress once or twice, but I was too chickenshit at the time. I hadn't even done that in private yet, never mind right in front of someone. He told me not to worry, that he did it all the time. I was afraid to even be in there for fear of being caught. But I actually did want to try it on, soooo baaaad.
I never did wear it. Oh well.
Eventually, sometime before our journeys into hell (read: male puberty), we slowly parted ways. He moved away without so much as a goodbye. And wow, this was a parting of ways to be reckoned with.
Back to modern day. It's really early, and I can't sleep. I'm trying once more to lookup-and-hookup old friends, admittedly doing a little cyberstalking in an attempt to find Kelly.
I feel dirty, in a bad way. But find him, I did!
I hate to bring politics to Transgurl. I try actively to avoid it. But I'll do it just this once, because it's the point of this entry, and is trans-related here:
He's now a professional politico, and quite the activist. He's even hung out with Ronald Reagan (pre-Alzheimer's). I read his article about how great Reagan was.
Most perplexing and disappointing, he's against queer rights.
I'm not really surprised, overall, but I am a bit disappointed and saddened. I'm obviously not going to say that all people who lean far conservative are suppressing sides of themselves they're not entirely comfortable with, because that would be outright false and stupid. But it seems that, sadly, that is what has happened with Kelly.
I have his email address right in front of me. I'm fighting off the terrible urge to contact him, to tell him I came out, to try and catch up on old times, but I have a strong hunch that it wouldn't go so well, and I don't think he's interested in clapping hands anymore.
Maybe he really was lucky enough to find peace in denial. Maybe I'm doing him a favor by not writing him.
*Huggles* I hope all is going well Milla, this sounds rather complicated emotionally.
Posted by Anonymous at January 17, 2007 04:50 PM
this person sounds like an amazing friend at one point, and its so sad that they are anti-queer...i never had any real femmy friends when i was young, and it is too bad, i bet i missed out.
A Tale of Two Trannies - 01/12/07 06:21 AM
Once upon a time, when I was but a wee little tranny tot, in the first grade wayyyy back in 1981, I had some friends. Not a huge lot of friends, but the friends I did have were close ones. One of them-- let's call him Kelly, not his real name-- was every bit the sissy I was, if I may.
We kind of latched on to each other. We had an affinity for small, cute things. We sucked at sports and liked it that way. We hated loud music and never went shirtless. We giggled and acted prissy to others for our own entertainment.
And yes, we even sang girls' hand-clapping rhymes:
Etcetera.
Even back then, some of the other kids around his neighborhood (the less sheltered ones) thought we were boyfriends. "YER GAAAAY! Huh huh huh."
But what they were missing out on was that we weren't boyfriends, we were just close girlfriends. I say this not out of assumption on my part, but because Kelly admitted to me that "he" felt like a girl, and took me into his neighbor's garage several times one summer, where he'd briefly put on a sundress lying on one of the boxes in there.
He urged me to wear the dress once or twice, but I was too chickenshit at the time. I hadn't even done that in private yet, never mind right in front of someone. He told me not to worry, that he did it all the time. I was afraid to even be in there for fear of being caught. But I actually did want to try it on, soooo baaaad.
I never did wear it. Oh well.
Eventually, sometime before our journeys into hell (read: male puberty), we slowly parted ways. He moved away without so much as a goodbye. And wow, this was a parting of ways to be reckoned with.
Back to modern day. It's really early, and I can't sleep. I'm trying once more to lookup-and-hookup old friends, admittedly doing a little cyberstalking in an attempt to find Kelly.
I feel dirty, in a bad way. But find him, I did!
I hate to bring politics to Transgurl. I try actively to avoid it. But I'll do it just this once, because it's the point of this entry, and is trans-related here:
He's now a professional politico, and quite the activist. He's even hung out with Ronald Reagan (pre-Alzheimer's). I read his article about how great Reagan was.
Most perplexing and disappointing, he's against queer rights.
I'm not really surprised, overall, but I am a bit disappointed and saddened. I'm obviously not going to say that all people who lean far conservative are suppressing sides of themselves they're not entirely comfortable with, because that would be outright false and stupid. But it seems that, sadly, that is what has happened with Kelly.
I have his email address right in front of me. I'm fighting off the terrible urge to contact him, to tell him I came out, to try and catch up on old times, but I have a strong hunch that it wouldn't go so well, and I don't think he's interested in clapping hands anymore.
Maybe he really was lucky enough to find peace in denial. Maybe I'm doing him a favor by not writing him.
I sure hope so.
Posted in hindsight by Milla | Comments (5)
*Huggles* I hope all is going well Milla, this sounds rather complicated emotionally.
Posted by Anonymous at January 17, 2007 04:50 PM
this person sounds like an amazing friend at one point, and its so sad that they are anti-queer...i never had any real femmy friends when i was young, and it is too bad, i bet i missed out.
Posted by Lyra at February 25, 2007 12:31 AM
Yeah, he really was a great friend. I was so sad when I went to his house one day to discover he'd just moved away.
Posted by Milla at February 25, 2007 01:11 AM
Wow, that's so sad... Did you ever contact him?
Posted by surrealmonk at March 10, 2007 10:15 PM
No, I never did. I really wanted to, but it felt too much like opening a can of worms. One that he might not want open again.
Maybe someday.
Posted by Milla at March 10, 2007 11:51 PM