Okay. At this point I'm finally pretty much out and about among my closest friends and intermediate family! That includes aunts, uncles, first cousins, etc. on both sides directly related to my parents. I'm also completely open and out online. (I normally remain as stealth as possible in "real life" for my own good.)
My experience in coming out is this:
Coming out is scary business. If you're LGBTQ (or any combination thereof) and don't plan on remaining closeted your whole life, that's something you'll have to deal with at some point. It doesn't help that one of the things you must consider is that the cat does NOT go back in the bag. Method and timing can be critical.
Much more often than not, the hardest one to come out about is the T, being transgendered. A lot of young transgendered people are shunned or even kicked out of their homes when their parents, families, and friends find out. It's kind of a hard secret to keep if you're living in the same general area. Being closeted and full-time trans isn't really an option unless you move away and don't come back much.
In general, the best way to come out as trans is as gently, softly, and as understanding as possible. What you're about to tell this person(s) may be quite a shock, no matter how well you think they know you, or how liberal and easygoing you might feel they are. (*cough!*)
So the best chance at making the reaction and outcome as positive as possible is to be relaxed and collected, and not to throw too much at once at the person(s) right now. Present as your "old self" (maybe have a photo of the real one handy), and try to keep the gory details to a minimum. Be honest, but keep the blows soft. It also helps to come out to as few people at a time as you can, one at a time if possible. This may help open up communication.
If you're really nervous about coming out, or too afraid of the possible reaction, one common solution is to write a thoughtful letter. I recently sent out this one with a couple fairly recent photos to finish up my coming-out. The same cautions apply, so be gentle. You might hand it to them personally, and then stick around for Q&A.
If it doesn't go exactly as you wanted with one or more people, try not to burn any bridges, and maybe just say things like "I'm still here for you" and take them back without question later. Sometimes people just need time out to digest what you've told them, then they will be ready to be more accepting. This has happened after as much as five years or more of separation.
Also if you're young and coming out to parents, it can be really helpful to have a place to go (possibly to live) in case the reaction is seriously bad.
Once that's all over with, you've gotten past all the initial scariness of coming out! Congratulations!
Being yourself will start to feel like less of an ordeal, and more of a healing process, and you eventually won't be obsessing over your transition 24-7, I promise.
Okay. At this point I'm finally pretty much out and about among my closest friends and intermediate family! That includes aunts, uncles, first cousins, etc. on both sides directly related to my parents. I'm also completely open and out online. (I normally remain as stealth as possible in "real life" for my own good.)
My experience in coming out is this:
Coming out is scary business. If you're LGBTQ (or any combination thereof) and don't plan on remaining closeted your whole life, that's something you'll have to deal with at some point. It doesn't help that one of the things you must consider is that the cat does NOT go back in the bag. Method and timing can be critical.
Much more often than not, the hardest one to come out about is the T, being transgendered. A lot of young transgendered people are shunned or even kicked out of their homes when their parents, families, and friends find out. It's kind of a hard secret to keep if you're living in the same general area. Being closeted and full-time trans isn't really an option unless you move away and don't come back much.
In general, the best way to come out as trans is as gently, softly, and as understanding as possible. What you're about to tell this person(s) may be quite a shock, no matter how well you think they know you, or how liberal and easygoing you might feel they are. (*cough!*)
So the best chance at making the reaction and outcome as positive as possible is to be relaxed and collected, and not to throw too much at once at the person(s) right now. Present as your "old self" (maybe have a photo of the real one handy), and try to keep the gory details to a minimum. Be honest, but keep the blows soft. It also helps to come out to as few people at a time as you can, one at a time if possible. This may help open up communication.
If you're really nervous about coming out, or too afraid of the possible reaction, one common solution is to write a thoughtful letter. I recently sent out this one with a couple fairly recent photos to finish up my coming-out. The same cautions apply, so be gentle. You might hand it to them personally, and then stick around for Q&A.
If it doesn't go exactly as you wanted with one or more people, try not to burn any bridges, and maybe just say things like "I'm still here for you" and take them back without question later. Sometimes people just need time out to digest what you've told them, then they will be ready to be more accepting. This has happened after as much as five years or more of separation.
Also if you're young and coming out to parents, it can be really helpful to have a place to go (possibly to live) in case the reaction is seriously bad.
Once that's all over with, you've gotten past all the initial scariness of coming out! Congratulations!
Being yourself will start to feel like less of an ordeal, and more of a healing process, and you eventually won't be obsessing over your transition 24-7, I promise.
Posted in coming_out by Milla