It's time for another installment of Ask a Tranny. Yay! This time we're talking about relationships, and appropriately, there are two questions this time. Ohh yeah! Ahem.
The first topic comes from reader Gwen. Gwen doesn't really have a specific question I can quote. She's been full-time for about five months, and is curious about dating guys, and would like to know about my experiences. She is also, understandably, concerned about how the trans thing comes into play.
For the pre-op MtF, dating can get a little complicated. While there's no perfect way to do it, it can still easily be done!
If one passes, my preferred method is arranging a date in a very public place and meeting them there, then going home with a trusted friend or on your own afterwards. If you decide you'd like to see them again and they feel likewise, only then do you come out to them. Over the phone. If there's a hugely negative reaction, you are physically safe, and they can't come bother you at home because they don't know where you live! Or, it could go over very well with them. Better than well, even.
Pre-op, the best luck with getting dates to begin with will be had with guys and girls who identify as bisexual. Good luck can be had finding dates on online dating services, but results are probably as mixed as for any other girl. I had a few potential guy dates that never happened, but they easily could have, and some almost did. On these services, I prefer to identify as trans in my profile. Transgendered-specific dating services can bring chasers out of the woodwork, but they do work.
Honestly, I haven't dated many guys for very long yet, but it'll surely happen. I briefly dated a guy in Pittsburgh before I lost contact with him to circumstance. This was years before my transition, back in '96, but he treated me like a girl, which I certainly didn't mind! I felt different with him than I have in my relationships with girls. It was a safe, cared-for feeling. He was a pizza driver at a joint I liked, and he picked me up on my way home from art school and gave me a ride to my apartment in the rain. *sighhhh*
I'm very happy in my relationship with Connie, even though it may not last forever. Dating a cissy girl can tend to make a tranny girl feel mannish sometimes, but it's great if you swing that way. Dating a caring guy who treats you right is also wonderful. How to choose?
---
This second question comes from a trans friend of mine who wishes to be anonymous. She asked me recently, "Is it bad to respond to a w4w personal ad and not tell the person that you are trans?"
I have strong opinions on that subject. It's not wrong. But hiding candy is generally a bad idea, especially when dating large, straight men.
I believe trans people really are who we say we are, and we have just as much right to privacy and dignity as anyone else. We don't (well, shouldn't) have to disclose the status or history of our genitals.
But if your parts don't currently match your gender, it's far more courteous-- and safer-- to tell your partner. It's no moral obligation, though. Some post-op girls (and guys?) live in "deep stealth," not even out to their partners. I think that's great! They've become themselves about as fully as they can.
Connie and I agreed our relationship was ending on its own yesterday. While we're still very much best girlfriends, and we still love each other, we're no longer a couple. I'm pretty sure it's for real this time.
It's not like it couldn't have been seen coming a mile away with a marching band.
It's rough, though.
Edit 8/11/06: Uh... scratch that. We're back together again. (Sorry... Transgurl readers/subscribers will be spared further announcements regarding our mutable relationship status. Promise!)
Meet Foo, my new kitty! The vet identified Foo as male, but pointed out that "his testes are very small" and that he's an intersexed kitten.
His behavior seems to be somewhat feminine, and it's almost easier to call him "her". Connie's mom even had some pronoun trouble. For now we're using male pronouns, but we may start using female pronouns if they end up being more appropriate!
Let's talk about something icky. Yes, let's face it: As beautiful as the process is, a lot of aspects of MtF transition are pretty gross. Let's talk hair removal!
There are many methods of doing this, but I'll focus on three: pulling, laser, and electrolysis.
Yanking!
The simplest and most direct method of removing hair is yanking it directly out of your skin. This can itself be done many ways.
But how I do love my epilator. It has a spinning cylindrical head with tiny built-in tweezers. I use it on my arms, hands, beard, and legs. It does an incredible job for an US$80 initial investment, though not quite as good as a wax. Starting off in most areas is pure hell, even with the slower "starter" head mine came with. After the painful, awful first run, the skin adjusts, the hairs get finer, and there's less of them to deal with at once, so it becomes somewhat of an addiction.
Laser!
While I've not yet even been zapped with the spot test, I gather it's an excellent way to cut way down on dark, coarse beard. Being both quite pale and naturally black-haired, I'm an ideal candidate. Short little pulses of laser light penetrate the skin and strike the darker hairs, which then seriously sizzle the follicles.
Like I explained to Connie (much to her amusement), hair follicles are like little zombies. You have to completely destroy them to get rid of them. If you just hurt them, they come right back to life!
This will be sooo worth it in the end, though. Plucking is the bane of my existence, because right now I can't afford...
Electrolysis!
Electro is the mother of hair removal methods, one that I suffered for about five months last year just before going full time. It remains even today the only method that guarantees complete and permanent hair removal.
Follicles are very, very persistent little bastards.
This method fries them but good using the electrochemical reaction known as electrolysis. A chemical coating is applied to the area, a tiny disposable needle connected to a machine via cable is inserted in each follicle with a hair, and it's audibly zapped, then plucked. Each hair comes back a couple times before finally dying due to growth cycles. (I don't completely understand that bit.) Thicker hair is usually done first.
It's an expensive, time-consuming, dreadfully painful process, but it's pretty much the only reasonable thing that will do the deed completely and finally. A typical transsexual beard will take one or two years of weekly two-hour sessions, and about five to ten big ones altogether.
I'm planning on someday clearing much of my beard via laser, and then following up on the rest (light hairs) with electro when I can afford to.
For much more in-depth and objective info on hair removal, check out Andrea James' HairFacts.com.
We recently got a new maintenance person at our apartment, and we needed some work done.
He got here a short while ago and replaced our screen door. A bevy of grrl punk (like X-Ray Spex) provided the soundtrack while Foo watched intently, and swatted at the screen door when it moved.
He's kinda cute, but it was hard to guess his age. He asked about the blind in the bedroom that needs either replaced or put back up, so I led him back to have a look.
I'm not sure if I passed or not. (Which usually implies not.) That or the guy was kinda strange or stressed out. Or maybe I just made him vaguely uneasy. It happens.
On the way out from examining the window frame, he stooped down near the new screen door to pet Foo.
"Nice little cat."
"Yeah, isn't he cute? We just got him a couple weeks ago."
"Not very old. Male?"
Well, actually, Foo's intersexed and of indeterminate gender. "Yeah."
"Males are the best," he remarked without a smile. And after an almost imperceptible, very possibly uncomfortable pause, he went out the screen door without another word.
It's time for another installment of Ask a Tranny. Yay! This time we're talking about relationships, and appropriately, there are two questions this time. Ohh yeah! Ahem.
The first topic comes from reader Gwen. Gwen doesn't really have a specific question I can quote. She's been full-time for about five months, and is curious about dating guys, and would like to know about my experiences. She is also, understandably, concerned about how the trans thing comes into play.
For the pre-op MtF, dating can get a little complicated. While there's no perfect way to do it, it can still easily be done!
If one passes, my preferred method is arranging a date in a very public place and meeting them there, then going home with a trusted friend or on your own afterwards. If you decide you'd like to see them again and they feel likewise, only then do you come out to them. Over the phone. If there's a hugely negative reaction, you are physically safe, and they can't come bother you at home because they don't know where you live! Or, it could go over very well with them. Better than well, even.
Pre-op, the best luck with getting dates to begin with will be had with guys and girls who identify as bisexual. Good luck can be had finding dates on online dating services, but results are probably as mixed as for any other girl. I had a few potential guy dates that never happened, but they easily could have, and some almost did. On these services, I prefer to identify as trans in my profile. Transgendered-specific dating services can bring chasers out of the woodwork, but they do work.
Honestly, I haven't dated many guys for very long yet, but it'll surely happen. I briefly dated a guy in Pittsburgh before I lost contact with him to circumstance. This was years before my transition, back in '96, but he treated me like a girl, which I certainly didn't mind! I felt different with him than I have in my relationships with girls. It was a safe, cared-for feeling. He was a pizza driver at a joint I liked, and he picked me up on my way home from art school and gave me a ride to my apartment in the rain. *sighhhh*
I'm very happy in my relationship with Connie, even though it may not last forever. Dating a cissy girl can tend to make a tranny girl feel mannish sometimes, but it's great if you swing that way. Dating a caring guy who treats you right is also wonderful. How to choose?
---
This second question comes from a trans friend of mine who wishes to be anonymous. She asked me recently, "Is it bad to respond to a w4w personal ad and not tell the person that you are trans?"
I have strong opinions on that subject. It's not wrong. But hiding candy is generally a bad idea, especially when dating large, straight men.
I believe trans people really are who we say we are, and we have just as much right to privacy and dignity as anyone else. We don't (well, shouldn't) have to disclose the status or history of our genitals.
But if your parts don't currently match your gender, it's far more courteous-- and safer-- to tell your partner. It's no moral obligation, though. Some post-op girls (and guys?) live in "deep stealth," not even out to their partners. I think that's great! They've become themselves about as fully as they can.
Posted in ask_a_tranny, relationships, sexuality by Milla | Comments (3)
Connie and I agreed our relationship was ending on its own yesterday. While we're still very much best girlfriends, and we still love each other, we're no longer a couple. I'm pretty sure it's for real this time.It's not like it couldn't have been seen coming a mile away with a marching band.
It's rough, though.
Edit 8/11/06: Uh... scratch that. We're back together again. (Sorry... Transgurl readers/subscribers will be spared further announcements regarding our mutable relationship status. Promise!)
Posted in relationships by Milla | Comments (2)
Meet Foo, my new kitty! The vet identified Foo as male, but pointed out that "his testes are very small" and that he's an intersexed kitten.
His behavior seems to be somewhat feminine, and it's almost easier to call him "her". Connie's mom even had some pronoun trouble. For now we're using male pronouns, but we may start using female pronouns if they end up being more appropriate!
Posted in misc by Milla | Comments (2)
Let's talk about something icky. Yes, let's face it: As beautiful as the process is, a lot of aspects of MtF transition are pretty gross. Let's talk hair removal!
There are many methods of doing this, but I'll focus on three: pulling, laser, and electrolysis.
Yanking!
The simplest and most direct method of removing hair is yanking it directly out of your skin. This can itself be done many ways.
But how I do love my epilator. It has a spinning cylindrical head with tiny built-in tweezers. I use it on my arms, hands, beard, and legs. It does an incredible job for an US$80 initial investment, though not quite as good as a wax. Starting off in most areas is pure hell, even with the slower "starter" head mine came with. After the painful, awful first run, the skin adjusts, the hairs get finer, and there's less of them to deal with at once, so it becomes somewhat of an addiction.
Laser!
While I've not yet even been zapped with the spot test, I gather it's an excellent way to cut way down on dark, coarse beard. Being both quite pale and naturally black-haired, I'm an ideal candidate. Short little pulses of laser light penetrate the skin and strike the darker hairs, which then seriously sizzle the follicles.
Like I explained to Connie (much to her amusement), hair follicles are like little zombies. You have to completely destroy them to get rid of them. If you just hurt them, they come right back to life!
This will be sooo worth it in the end, though. Plucking is the bane of my existence, because right now I can't afford...
Electrolysis!
Electro is the mother of hair removal methods, one that I suffered for about five months last year just before going full time. It remains even today the only method that guarantees complete and permanent hair removal.
Follicles are very, very persistent little bastards.
This method fries them but good using the electrochemical reaction known as electrolysis. A chemical coating is applied to the area, a tiny disposable needle connected to a machine via cable is inserted in each follicle with a hair, and it's audibly zapped, then plucked. Each hair comes back a couple times before finally dying due to growth cycles. (I don't completely understand that bit.) Thicker hair is usually done first.
It's an expensive, time-consuming, dreadfully painful process, but it's pretty much the only reasonable thing that will do the deed completely and finally. A typical transsexual beard will take one or two years of weekly two-hour sessions, and about five to ten big ones altogether.
I'm planning on someday clearing much of my beard via laser, and then following up on the rest (light hairs) with electro when I can afford to.
For much more in-depth and objective info on hair removal, check out Andrea James' HairFacts.com.
Posted in epilation by Milla | Comments (4)
We recently got a new maintenance person at our apartment, and we needed some work done.
He got here a short while ago and replaced our screen door. A bevy of grrl punk (like X-Ray Spex) provided the soundtrack while Foo watched intently, and swatted at the screen door when it moved.
He's kinda cute, but it was hard to guess his age. He asked about the blind in the bedroom that needs either replaced or put back up, so I led him back to have a look.
I'm not sure if I passed or not. (Which usually implies not.) That or the guy was kinda strange or stressed out. Or maybe I just made him vaguely uneasy. It happens.
On the way out from examining the window frame, he stooped down near the new screen door to pet Foo.
"Nice little cat."
"Yeah, isn't he cute? We just got him a couple weeks ago."
"Not very old. Male?"
Well, actually, Foo's intersexed and of indeterminate gender. "Yeah."
"Males are the best," he remarked without a smile. And after an almost imperceptible, very possibly uncomfortable pause, he went out the screen door without another word.
Posted in misc by Milla | Comments (3)